It was the first of December. The Senior Leadership team at Jacob Marley Free School for Incompetent Teachers had issued the official Christmas duties list. The list was emailed to each teacher and teaching assistant marked URGENT. It was also stapled to each classroom door, so no-one could claim not to know.
Comprehensive daily planning for all subject areas for the Spring Term was to be handed in, in triplicate, not later than Monday 18th December. All staff were required to have completed the marking of the end-of-term tests (taken on December 22nd) by Boxing Day, with grades and comments to be submitted onto the progress tracker by no later than 4pm so that unsatisfactory grades could be used to assess pay for January.
The school budget deficit meant that all staff would need to obtain copies of appropriate reading materials as Christmas presents from family and friends, to be added to the school library.
The voluntary school Xmas party would be held on the afternoon of Saturday 23rd so that it did not conflict with learning opportunities. All staff, without exception, required to attend. Sandwich-making from 12 noon. Address from the Headteacher on the importance of empowerment and leadership 1pm - 2pm. Jollification from 2 - 2.15. School cleaning from 2.15 to 4pm.
Staff travelling out of Leicester were reminded that they should ensure they had constant wifi connection in case of any further important messages from management. Anyone failing to return for the new term, or claiming to have been delayed in some far off place, would be in very, very serious trouble.
And a Merry Christmas to all, except the year 4 team and year 9 team who do not deserve it.